Fear Thou Not, for I am With Thee...

This weekend has been eventful to say the least. But through the struggle I am learning that I have a strength I never knew I had.


I've always known divorce was hard; that it was miserable and devastating, but it wasn't until this weekend that I truly understood just how difficult it really was. I finally understand what my mother went through as she watched us drive away. The fear, the hurt, the sadness at times almost unbearable. As a child I didn't understand the drama of it all. I didn't understand how alone my mother felt. Now as she is watching her own baby girl go through the same thing I know she is reliving it all again and she wants nothing more than to take it all away for me and she is doing the best she can.


As a mother (or father) it is so difficult to watch our children in pain. We want nothing more than to rush in and rescue them from their trials, to hold them and make everything all better. At times I have found myself asking my own Heavenly Father, "Where are you? Why aren't you coming in and rescuing me now when I need you most?" I know He loves me so why isn't he rushing in to take away the pain? As I was sitting at the temple last night asking these very questions I felt completely alone, like He had abandoned me in my time of need. I went looking for peace and found myself feeling a deep emptiness. I came home feeling completely miserable, wanting to give up hope. When I awoke the next morning the pain was still there but something inside was whispering, "open up your scriptures, you will find your answer there." I put off the prompting for whatever reason, but the thought wouldn't leave my mind. When I picked up my scriptures I didn't know what to look for or where to turn so I just let them fall open. "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."(Isaiah 41:10) It was Heavenly Father's way of telling me that even though I may not feel Him always, He is there and He is giving me the strength I need to get through this. I never would have had the strength on my own, I just failed to recognize the source. He is my Father, and as much as I know He would like to take away my suffering He is letting me go through this to prove to myself that I can do it. He is letting me learn for myself who I am and that I am strong. As difficult as it is I am thankful that I have this opportunity to find my inner strength and let it show.